Kylie Kelce has some hot takes on new parenting trends.
On her “Not Gonna Lie” podcast, the mom of three girls said she’s “vehemently against” a new trend where parents are not only expecting gifts for their child on birthdays but are also requesting party attendees bring gifts for their child’s siblings.
The trend gained attention on TikTok when a mom shared a birthday invitation her 6-year-old son received that asked parents to bring a gift for the child’s 3-year-old brother “so that he didn’t feel left out.”
Thousands of commenters were outraged by the idea – and Kelce agrees.
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“Our family knows no one else is receiving a birthday present for Bennett’s birthday,” said Kelce, who is expecting her fourth child with husband, retired Philadelphia Eagles star Jason Kelce. “When your siblings get presents for your birthday, it reduces your birthday. It’s not their birthday, it’s your birthday.”
But parenting experts say bringing birthday gifts for siblings does more harm to the siblings than it does to the birthday boy or girl.
By requesting gifts for siblings, parents might think they’re helping their child avoid uncomfortable emotions like jealousy, frustration and sadness, said Claire Vallotton, professor of human development and family studies at Michigan State University.
But it’s normal for children to experience those feelings when they see another child who has something they want, and it’s up to the parents to teach them how to cope with those difficult emotions.
“Our early childhood is when we get to build that coping set and build that resilience around uncomfortable emotions,” Vallotton said. “Parents are missing an opportunity to help the sibling manage and learn about uncomfortable emotions” when they ask for additional birthday gifts.
It’s important for parents to name those uncomfortable emotions with children and validate them, she said, without making them feel shamed for expressing them.
Missing these opportunities to set up children with the social-emotional toolbelt to manage difficult feelings could set them up for a hard road ahead when they reach adolescence or adulthood.
“A child that doesn’t have those opportunities or given the message that it’s not OK to have those emotions is going to feel like there’s something wrong with them,” Vallotton said. They can “potentially fall apart when they are then faced with inevitable uncomfortable emotions later in life.”
While siblings may miss out on the chance to learn an important life skill, she said there’s no evidence the birthday girl or boy suffers any psychological drawbacks when siblings receive gifts on their special day.
“No one ever granted us the universal human right to be the king or queen of the day just because it’s our birthday,” Vallotton said.
Adrianna Rodriguez can be reached at adrodriguez@usatoday.com.
